Only

Only at sunrise and sunset do I

Think of him. Only at the color of the sky

Or smell of hazelnut in coffee

Only when reading Huckleberry Finn

Or teaching multiplication.

Only if I wake at night unsleeping

And find a child awake

And make a sandwich and play a game

Instead of watching old westerns.

Only if I have to carry sleeping children to their beds from mine

(A thing that hardly ever happens)

Only if I smell the beach or cooking meat

Or hear the stars and have to shush a chatter-child.

Only then and when I think of places that we’ve been,

But those are roads I’ll never drive,

And I stay indoors at night.